I love this meme and am a hopeless ‘quotes’ addict. Anyway, I have my assortment of haters and because I’m sensitive and hurt easily, yet still keep up this desire to believe everyone has the best of intentions, I’ve learned through my work here, and through interacting on my political pages and blogs, that this isn’t always the case. Whether it’s a disordered survivor or a troll who pays a visit, with what I call ‘hit and run’ emails, or hate messages in my ‘other’ folder on Facebook, hate is alive and well. The truth is, you won’t be able to please everyone.
I visit other blogs and read them. Easily swayed by guilt and/or shame, most of them are altruistic in saying that they allow every single comment made to their blog to get through. I do not. When a survivor does not get through and the comment has been trashed, they write to me and accuse me of infringing upon their free speech rights. This is manipulation. I let them know that they exhibited their free speech right through their comment, that I read it, and therefore, I’m choosing not to allow that ‘free speech” on my blog where it has the high potential to harm others, or is a direct challenge to me in which they wish to triangulate.
I’m very mindful of my own triggers and I’m mindful of the population that visits my blog. I let them know that there isn’t a post-it note attached to the 1st Amendment that says free speech does not come with consequences and if it’s potentially hateful or engages in tactics that pathological would engage in, it’s not getting through.
Once I’ve made myself clear, they blow up my email, calling me names, threatening me, and continue to do so until they realize there will be no more engagement. Those emails alone are a reflection of the author and their reaction to my refusal to allow their comment is validation that my gut was correct. I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility for my blog and for those who take part here. There are a thousand more blogs that I’m sure would welcome free ‘hate’ speech.
This is a boundary for me. I’ve always struggled with boundaries, my own and that of others too. This is something I’ve worked hard on the last few months. I see the necessity of boundaries and sticking to them. If you come at me with hate, you’ll be shown the gate. I won’t put up with it. At the same time, I won’t put up with it out of myself either. It’s very interesting when you’re mindful enough to observe your own reactions to things and from where they come.
Assumptions are another area of irritation, both for myself and out of others. I’ve given a lot of thought to this. Assumptions made, can arise from narratives and stereotypes that do not apply to everyone, such as with those in poverty in our country, or minorities or LGBT. On the political pages and blogs I visit, this is particularly troubling. I believe that psychopaths in power get away with what they do because they exploit through narratives and stereotypes of others, creating assumptions of whole groups, without a fact check, let alone a discussion with someone in a group being targeted.
Realizing this was probably some intellectual laziness on the part of those who assume or drink the vats of Kool-Aid of psychopathic exploitation, without questioning or researching exploitative remarks about others, I began to really THINK about how this applies to my life, about my own assumptions, from where they arise and at whom they’ve been directed and how to see myself so I can catch it when it happens, seeking solution, and not reacting. In so admitting to my ability to assume too quickly, it is also a challenge to discern what are assumptions made and which is factual in nature about that assumption. When it derives from hate, fear or emotional triggers, it’s fair to say that an assumption has little to no basis in fact.
I learned I made an ass out of myself on several occasions when an emotional trigger led me to assume about what someone said or did (the first assumption is that they’re always pathological in some way), further leading me to judge, then accuse and demonize. I allowed the poisonous rigors of anguish to infect my entire being. Assumptions turn into judgments and judgments turn into accusation, without ever giving an person or a group of people a voice in correcting any of them. And that’s just my political pages where I’ve been quick to anger at injustice…
But this can happen in our personal lives too. Have you ever been pissed off at someone for something they said that may have not been directed at you, but because it’s an emotional trigger of some kind, an assumption is made about the person who said it, and all of a sudden this person is a ‘spath’, a ‘narc’ or some other form of disorder? You’re then applying labels to them and it’s so built up in your head, that now you’re really angry and it’s time to tell this person off! This is what assumptions arising from emotional triggers can do and it can hurt people, making the person doing the assuming out to be a bit pathological themselves in behavior (even if they are not).
When assumption, turned to judgement, turned to accusation, turns to confrontation the person on the other end of this wonders whom you’re talking about or too and puts them immediately on the defensive, while feeling hurt and wondering where this is coming from, going through their minds..”OMG! What did I say or do here to make this person so angry?”
It is very difficult to be on the defensive end of an assumption resulting from a trigger and you realize that it’s already so built up in that person’s mind that even if you tried to ‘fix’ it, the person is likely to assume more, accuse more and then after boot you from their lives. This is stuff I won’t tolerate anymore. If you’re not willing to ask me questions FIRST, rather than assume, then there is no trust. It’s hard to repair a relationship when there is no trust.
So how many times, with my PTSD at play, have I alienated someone because what was really going on, was something inside of ME? Fear of being hurt, fear of being used, fear of another pathological in my life? In my effort to work with this knowledge, I realized that what many of us miss while believing exploitation of others, false narratives and stereotypes, are quite simply, QUESTIONS. If we ask questions, instead of falling for narratives, stereotypes through exploitation and lies, or allowing an emotional trigger to take over, there is hope for growth of a relationship, a community, a nation. . .
I’ve practiced asking questions and doing research if I feel an assumption coming on. I’ve been so surprised with the results. Sometimes I can’t find an emotional trigger. If it’s someone I know who set it off, I ask them questions to AVOID assumptions, judgement and accusation out of me about them. It’s astounding to me how fast an emotional trigger can have me angry and upset at someone. It fester inside me like an infection that immediately spreads. Emotional triggers, if left too long on broil in the mind, can have this person you’re upset with, so demonized, you’re almost ready to go no contact on them! Ugh!
I’ve had to dole out many apologies for doing this to others. I know that once that cat is out of the bag, it’s hard to trust me. I have to give careful thought about what the emotional trigger is, and then form it into a question, allowing my friends to give me answers. I’ve lost friends because of my assumptions, often reaching the point of NC and booting them from my life before they ever get a chance to respond, over something that was nothing more than a misunderstanding or a trigger to me.
But on a more universal level, this is dangerous and its ripping our country apart. Narratives and stereotypes provided liberally by Psychopaths in power, about vulnerable and voiceless people who cannot afford to buy a Representative to further their own dreams and wishes for opportunity, means that over half the country is assuming, judging and accusing these groups (poor, minorities, LGBT, etc) of doing things that, overall, many are not. Economic injustice is at the root of this evil.
I have many friends who are all an assortment of colors, sexual orientation, disabled, elderly or just friends my age who are middle to upper class who do not have the burdens of hatred visited upon them by society and are of the few who have empathy and compassion about people in my situation and with the seemingly immoral ways of our society in how people are treated. I love my friends dearly, some of whom seem more like family to me and through diversity, I’ve listened to each who are regularly subjected to governmental scapegoating and societal hatred.
All of this pain, despair, courage and just trying to survive, for most of them, along with what seems as though a deepening empathy deficit in society, derives from economic injustice. How did we go from progress, from politicians that carried just enough empathy, even while carrying enormous egos, to the purely conscienceless we now have in power? How did we go from a nation fighting for rights, such as with MLK during the 60’s, Malcolm X, JFK and RFK? So many others fighting on behalf of the people. And where are they now? All of them met the same fate. The message is very clear- if you fight for the people, your life is at risk. The rest of us in society who call out pathological behavior, such as when I call out a racist, I’m accused of being a race baiter. I find this somewhat amusing as of course, this is a projection. Those who want to fight on the side of justice, justice in ANY way, whether it’s legal justice, ECONOMIC justice, equal rights FOR ALL, are shut down, shot to death, demonized and scapegoats by friends and family. To imagine this, but only on a grander scale, it’s very much the same as the smear campaign waged upon survivors of the romantic relationship when it ends.
Survivors are sideswiped by the smear campaign as it vortexes family, friends, coworkers alike. Survivors cannot understand why those that seemed so supportive of them while with the psychopath during the relationship and those they felt bonded too, are now hateful, abusive and hurtful to them. This is precisely how it feels when psychopaths in power wage smear campaigns upon the most vulnerable and when those most vulnerable, feel its effects in a society that hates them because the psychopath exploited them to do so.
The psychopath who wages war against his earlier victim, exploits those closest to her, tells all kinds of lies, takes every intimate detail about her and shares it with everyone they know and all of this information is twisted and distorted into a narrative about her that is as far from reality as the psychopath is. It is the same for those of us in society who are vulnerable when the psychopath in power is at work on the smear campaign against us and its believed, because no one bothers to check the ‘accuracy’ of these smears. And no one bothers to check with the survivor either, or to question whether what the psychopath is saying is true. We don’t question the psychopath. Not those in positions of power and not those in personal relationships, nor do we question the victims and try to get their perspective. We assume that what the psychopath says is TRUE.
The fallout from the smear campaign is devastating. While the psychopath exploits and scapegoats the survivor, he has enlisted a band of cronies and supporters who will stand against her in court, tell everyone she is crazy and incompetent (and her reactions can make her look as if she is), that she is incapable of parenting, use the children as weapons against her, etc and if he gets the legal system involved, it is just that a ‘legal system’, not a justice system. Justice, while it sometimes happens, in recent years, it seems more tilted in favor of the pathological.
Our relationship with psychopaths in power, is similar to the romantic relationship. The same tactics are utilized over an entire nation, that are used in the romantic relationship. Anything and everything will be used to exploit others fear and hatred, ignorance and intolerance, to keep the uninformed away from any measure of truth that means corruption, fraud, lies, depravity, injustice upon those in society. by powerful psychopaths. is overlooked. Ignorance is not necessarily limited to only those whose intellect is ASSUMED as suspect and below average because a person lives in poverty, but to a special kind of intellect where the powerful are emotionally impoverished, without emotional intelligence = without empathy. But for many, it is ASSUMED that those in positions of power have such capabilities, yet their actions, intent, exploitation of fear and hatred, manipulation of their base, show us that what we have done, is handed the keys of government over to very sick and disordered people with the emotional capacity of a 12-year-old. There are those in poverty, who have this level of emotional intelligence, hence providing them with the ability to see what those in power are doing to them. This is why the GOP worked so hard to suppress the minority and poor vote. They know that most will NOT vote against themselves, are aware of the level of evil these people possess and want them out of power. Psychopaths fear those who have insight as to their behavior, and this is why the smear campaign happens even before their personal relationships are over. They do not want the victim to be the first one out of the gate in telling others what the psychopath is and what the psychopath has done. It is this way with psychopaths in power too. The smear campaign against those most vulnerable is waged when the psychopath is in preparation for more deprivation legislation. He uses his supporters to demonize a vulnerable group, hence justifying harm, damage and further trauma to the vulnerable group so demonized.
I have seen many who have a high degree of intelligence, who are very naïve about the hardships of others, who fight with the exploitation of psychopaths in power in that it is NOT the fault of those in poverty for our current crisis, but indeed it is psychopaths in power who CREATED this hardship in the first place.
Although we DO have a level of responsibility in all of this. Just as it is in relationship with a psychopath, we STAY until we become AWARE of what the psychopath is really doing, who the psychopath really is. When the mask slips and awareness moves in, pushing the victim to survivor, responsibility is now to be taken by the survivor to remove themselves from the abuse. This is the same as it is with psychopaths in power. Just as it is in the relationship, so it is in our relationship with our Government, we have normalized abuse. We have spoken with our ignorance and with our votes that we are allowing deprivation legislation to pass without so much as a fuss, we are allowing black youth to be murdered on our streets by white racist cops. We are allowing the punishment of an ever-increasing homeless population, by shoving them into forested areas, into old construction sites. We are cheering the end of some social programs that feed our citizens because psychopaths LIE. All a psychopath in power need do, is to tell the middle and upper class that 47% of the country are lazy moochers, sucking off the teet of government and that we are creating dependence. There is not a greater farce then this. The smear campaign is on and half the country believes it. Does it make it easier to understand how your ex psychopath gets away with his tactics, lies and exploitation throughout the smear campaign?
This injustice has been created over years. Those in poverty, a state of being that does not discriminate, has risen, while social programs have experienced draconian cuts, mental health has been cut, Pell grants have been cut, education is unaffordable for college students, who are now thinking twice about going to college and walking into a field already saturated by previous graduates, forcing them to look for work at minimum wage jobs, the highest sector of job growth now. Then there are those who are still feeling the pain of loss, for many of them the American dream ceased to exist in 2008. Why are the psychopathic bankers who caused so many to lose all they had worked so damned hard for, not sitting in prison, but instead are still on Wall Street, gambling off all that ‘savings’ from draconian cuts to social programs and those who worked their butts off and lost it all?
With every single psychopathic tactic waged upon a receptive, but intellectually lazy population who refuses to engage in simple questioning of Psychopaths in power and their intent to turn what was once a democracy into a fascist state, exploitation and pathological lies are not only received, but wholeheartedly embraced as truth.
A few days ago, another exploitative tactic was visited upon the middle and upper classes that demonized and scapegoats another vulnerable group in society: the disabled.
Senator Rand Paul, contender for the Presidential nomination in 2016, spoke at a New Hampshire Legislative Leaders Breakfast, the following was a perfect example of exploitation:
“You know, the thing is is that with all of these programs, there’s always somebody who’s deserving and everybody in this room knows somebody who is gaming the system. What I tell people is, “If you look like me and you hop out of your truck, you shouldn’t be getting a disability check.” You know, over half the people on disability are either anxious or their back hurts. Join the club! [Laughter] Who doesn’t get up a little anxious for work every day and their back hurts?! Everybody over 40 has a back pain.”
This is compassionate conservatism at its best and Rand has all the bona fides he needs to run for president. Cue up the “47% of Americans are freeloaders who don’t pay taxes” speech and he’s good to go.~ Daily Kos writer.
This was displayed by various blogs, news articles and pages on Facebook. I can’t imagine how Fraud Zoo (Fox News) played this one up, and while I’ve taken a peek for about ten minutes at Fox, each time I’ve felt, well, dirty and that I’ve taken a trip to the Twilight Zone.
It wasn’t the myriad of exploitative remarks made about the disabled this past week (by various others in power on the right too), that deeply troubled me, what was disheartening was the comment section where the articles about Senator Rand’s exploitative comments was discussed. A perfect example of what happens when we do not ask questions, but assume these exploitative remarks to be true. A quick Google search and it isn’t difficult to see that this is a monumental lie. PTSD is an extreme of anxiety disorder. Those of us who live with this nightmare everyday, would not describe ourselves as a ‘little anxious’. “But he’s a DOCTOR, he would KNOW what anxiety is!” He’s an ophthalmologist, an EYE doctor, not someone who is qualified to speak to either anxiety as he is NOT a psychiatrist or therapist, but also neurosurgeon he is NOT.
I’ve said in the past that if I had a dime for every person responding to these exploitative statements as truth, following it up with their own narrative, assumption and judgment of an entire group as “Yeah, I know someone who is doing that…he lives down the street from me and I see him mowing his yard once a week…”- Wow. Profound. So because he’s mowing his yard once a week, means he isn’t disabled? Not only was this an attack upon the disabled, but further an attack on invisible illness. Rand Paul, as well as other psychopaths in power know this and play on it when making these statements. They also know that many people in society haven’t a clue about invisible illness, mental illness, or the process endured to get and to keep your social security. All of this, again goes directly to economic injustice, with evil intent, which is to decimate altogether or privatize social security so that Wall Street, banks and corporations get more of a cut to gamble with.
I compare this nonsense to a psychopath’s smear campaign. Many survivors wonder why so many believe his contrived stories about her/him. It’s very much like the social reactions to exploitation out of those in power. Power is really what it’s all about. Power to a psychopath is completely intoxicating. The more power a psychopath has, the more damage he can do, the more intoxicated he becomes, the more depraved he is, the more damage he can do to the victim, abuse by proxy. Sit and think about how MILLIONS of others are feeling while enduring many smear campaigns waged upon them by psychopaths in power and the MILLIONS in society that BELIEVE them. This has led to psychopaths in power implementing one economic injustice after another, and mostly in secret, with the permission of half the country who believes those lies, never thinking that the psychopath is really not on their side, but has plans to destroy them too. It’s largely, the middle class who is being exploited into believe the poor are to blame.
This is where powerlessness comes in for those who are victimized by it. This kind of power is extremely dangerous in the wrong hands and affects the lives of millions of people who did not ask for it and who did not vote for it. Psychopathic power addiction, along with exploitation of middle and upper class, in turn scapegoating and demonizing subgroups in society that ALL fall under the arm of economic injustice, empowers Psychopaths in power to continue to create austerity measures that are doing massive harm to all of us.
People that support psychopaths by believing their exploitation through false narratives and stereotypes without asking questions as to whether this statistically bears out as truth or worse, assuming that these narratives and stereotypes are accurate descriptions of those who bear the burden of disability or poverty, do nothing more than empower the Psychopath and justify his wrongdoing.
Poverty now encompasses many groups in society and leads to hopelessness, despair, dependence, desperate measures to survive, anger, rage, frustration, familial abuse, murder, suicide. Poverty is traumatic, and where there was not mental health issues before, there surely is now. Where mental health was already present, it is highly exacerbated by poverty.
We live in very dangerous times, with the most dangerous Congress we have ever had, with more psychopaths then we have ever had. Just as they are no longer as difficult to see in my personal life, they are not in Government either. So far, the middle class has been spared the kind of deprivation legislation that those of us in poverty, have not escaped. This too, will come to an end. Assumptions are not only likely to get us a few boots from others friends lists on Facebook, but I do believe that ASSumption is an excellent descriptive label for those who engage in it because for every assumption made, there is a special piece of karma implemented upon those who make assumption a habit, who believe the lies and exploitation of the psychopath. Have you ever heard the cliché, “When you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME?” We have a lot of asses in our country. I know. I’ve been one of them too.